An Idiots Tale

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He bent to pick it up before turning round horror-struck. As he pushed his foot back it was then I saw something under the seat. The blade of a very large knife glinted at me; a machete to be precise. The two guys were also looking in the same direction as me, mouths agape.

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He might kill you. After the longest most strained journey of my life, we arrived at the Great Wall of China. Feeling enormously relieved to be leaving behind Mr Cutty Knife, we scrambled out of the car.

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We handed over the money where to our surprise, the driver returned it. He explained the only way to leave was by the driver that you came with or by hitchhiking. Resigned to the fact that we had no option but to accept the lift back we joined the queue for the chairlift. I am terrified of heights.

Having also been living in China a few months by this point, I knew what to expect from their health and safety regulations.


I did not want to get in this chairlift. But get in I did, all the time gripping on to the safety bar so hard that my knuckles turned white. What are friends for right?

FINAL COUNTDOWN A Tale Told by an Idiot

Finally, we made it to the top and stepped on to the Wall. In the blistering heat, we trekked miles along the Wall, up misshapen shaped steps and through watchtowers.

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I was surprised to see that large parts of the Wall had been vandalised by visitors, a massive shame when you consider the historical value of this landmark. Some of the stairs were so far apart I had to take vast strides to ascend them, not an easy feat in the baking sun.

As we leaned up against the wall, panting, I did a double take as some Hollister models we had seen the previous day walked past. They looked alarmingly beautiful considering the sweat that dripped off them. How annoying, I looked like something that crawled out of the Yangtze River. Do the Chinese like rice? Of course we wanted to toboggan down!

The journey to the bottom is nearly a mile long and each cart comes with a handle which helps to control your speed. Whilst the ride was generally well paced, I was surprised at how much speed you can pick up at certain parts of the route. After a walk through the trinket stalls, it was all too soon to return to the car. True to his word, our driver stood there waiting for us.

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As we climbed back in, I noticed that the knife had vanished. Feeling truly drained and exhausted, I struggled to fight off the wave of sleep that threatened to take me. After half an hour of worrying about the knife, I decided to let sleep do its job. If worst came to worst, at least I would be blissfully enjoying the land of nod right?

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Thankfully, this story has a happy ending. We made it back to a village from which to grab the next bus back to Beijing.

An Idiot's Tale

As our driver pulled out on to the deserted road, I audibly breathed a sigh of relief. Have you ever been in a situation like this? Have you visited the Great Wall of China? Love it? Pin it! This did not really interest me at all, but in the face of peer pressure I crumbled. I had to allow Brenda the opportunity to get her money back by catching and eating a fly of her own.

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The Idiot's Tale: Signifying What, Exactly? -

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