Hurt No More! A Journey of Healing from Abuse
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I stayed in a shelter. I got orders of protection. And yet, the intimidation continued. I colored in the lines, and four long tortuous years after I left my husband, he took our daughters while on a visitation and fled to another country Greece. When someone hears about the horrors of domestic abuse, it makes sense to suggest an escape thinking it will end the pain. Just read this incredible tale of learning from domestic abuse. On average, a woman will leave and come back to an abusive relationship seven times before she is permanently gone, according to the National Domestic Violence Hotline as reported by CNN.
The leaving takes planning. The leaving takes a support system. It takes determination to maintain the leaving. They threaten to take and alienate the kids. They threaten whatever they believe will keep the target frozen in place and it often works. Abusive relationships are often steeped in deception from many influences—society, the partner and even the self. I have worked with numerous abusers and every one has admitted to me that they are fully aware that they are hurting their partners; they do it purposefully because it gives them the control in the relationship that they want.
Regardless, that is a deal-breaker, here are nine more signs that your partner may not be the right one. One of them was a long-term relationship, the other was a short fling who ended up pregnant. Talk about red fucking flags.
The love bombing phase would be turned on and off throughout the entirety of our relationship, getting shorter and shorter as the years dragged on. The manipulation started immediately. When I would express hesitation and doubt, he would pick a small fight. I was so young and insecure and lost. He filled me the same way the alcohol did, with a numb break from a harsh reality, but he was even more poisonous.
By the time my freshman year of college came around, I was sucked in deep. My drinking phase was nearly over.
Religious Abuse Recovery Essentials
I spent almost every weekend taking the train up north to visit him. I skipped class to stay longer. I missed out on friendships and experiences. I caught him on dating sites more times than I can count. I would log into his accounts, read the messages he would send other women while right next to me.
I found his inbox cluttered with nude photos he would receive and send. One time, he started a long distance relationship with this girl from Florida. They had never met, but he would talk to her every day. When I found out, I called her. This infidelity and disloyalty is just the tip of the iceberg. He punched me while I was driving once, and grabbed the steering wheel a few times during arguments. If I tried to count the number of times I went to bed crying, it would be a few hundred at least. He would cycle through kindness and cruelty effortlessly. We separated several times.
He would harass me. One time he came to my apartment in the middle of the night and threw rocks at my window for hours until I let him in. Sure, I could have called the cops. I would confront him, push him away, block his number, and tell him I was absolutely done. But I had no confidence.
I had become dependent on him for everything from validating my worth to fixing my car. I would always rationalize the choice to let him back in.
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At the beginning of that summer, we separated with no contact. In true narcissistic fashion, he jumped head first into another relationship the moment I bailed. He called me to tell me she was so much hotter than I was and to remind me how ugly, fat, and worthless he thought I was. I found out about her pregnancy shortly after I found out about my own.
It was one of the worst periods of my life. We had briefly reconnected at the end of that summer, but I had no intention of ever being with him again. I was still seeking his validation.
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I was 22 and a pregnant college dropout. I had never experienced a healthy relationship in my life. This became more and more stifling and depressing. About two weeks ago I returned from a really fun filled weekend for my cousins hen party- and the night of returning I was filled with deep dread and anxiety about going to work the next day.
My Journey to the Other Side
I cried, I stopped sleeping and I started to feel so much pain in my body. I really appreciate your tools, clips, audiobooks, books — I just wish I had them tattooed to me for when I need them the most. I feel more focussed, my energy is starting to build up and I feel like I am on the right path to following my dream which is Yoga and sharing that. I really just wanted to say thank you. I hope one day I get the chance to meet you and personally say thank you!
I am currently in the process of healing, and yesterday I noticed I was doing everything I could to avoid being present with what was real for me. Any tips on how to remain present with the experience? Is there somewhere you can guide me where I can learn these life transformational tools? I love everything you do, and everything you put out in the world. Sending you TONS of warmth, love and light, and blessing you on your healing path. Thank you for this reminder on my journey to healing.
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I am currently dealing with post-traumatic stress from an event at Christmas. One which also opened up old wounds from a similar event 7 years previous. I have finally sought professional help, because living in fear everyday is no longer an option I am willing to put up with.
I am now open and vulnerable and willing to heal. The reminder that you can not rush recovery is so important. Be patient with yourself and take one day at a time. Thank you so much. It touched me that you stated that we are supported. That means alot to me. It can be a lonely path sometimes. Love from Holland. Hi gabby I have felt lonely, unworthy, unloved rejected my entire life.. I finally have decided to close off myself and never to hope as i dont have the energy or strenght.
Your healing msg i resonate with but now just dont have hope for anything — my pain and hurt is the only consistent thing in my life. I do wish best for others and may they be healed.
I was married to a narcissist for 12 years — and I had NO idea
God bless u for all the great work u do. I am willing to heal Gabby thank you for these 3 steps. I find that my energy and my intention is strong. Your words and your intentions have all the power you need to heal.
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Trust in them. Thank you for teaching me this Gabby and for all your guidance and validation.
Dear Gabrielle, Yes, this video served me. Thank you for sharing the best of you. Dear Gabby, I was one of the first to comment on this blog last week, because your video caught me at a very low moment where I knew I had to make an important but difficult decision. Once I followed your advice and opened myself up to facing the pain and healing, I was prepared for the worst, and instead this week I have been pleasantly surprised that the change did not bring the emotional devastation I was prepared to experience.
Life is supporting me in my decision and your advice was just what I needed. I am so ready to heal. I am teachable and open. I am trying to heal my addiction to alcohol. I get a month in and feel great and then pick up a drink again. Last night the universe send me a special person I recently lost to me in a dream, it is so inspiring to me to feel I am heard somewhere in this universe, my cries for help..